It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, the house is clean the laundry is done. The only thing left, Christmas Shopping. I need to return three sweaters that I picked up for Mike. Why does he have to be 6’6”? Why can’t it be easy to pick up a few things for him? I return the sweaters and get cash, out of the corner of my eye I spot a great pair of Kenneth Cole boots. I could really use another pair of brown boots, I mean the heals are different than my others as is the toe – perfect. Technically the money was already spent, right? 1 present for me – 0 for anyone else

I hit the mall, Macy’s is first for my mom’s Origins face cream. They are having a special, buy this, get that for half off. I have never tried Origins but at this price, it must be a sign that this is the skincare product for me. 2 presents for me – 1 for people on the list.

Next is women’s clothing section, there’s got to be a nice sweater for my pregnant sister right? Oohh, cashmere, it’s on sale, I have the coupon from the paper and if I use my card it’s an addition 15% off. So soft, so pretty, wow this would look great with my grey cropped pants. 3 presents for me – 2 for people on the list.

Hmm, those wool coats look nice, maybe Mike’s mom would like one of those. But what size is she? Wow, the gray coat that I have been eyeing for months is 50% off, plus my coupon!! How can I resist? It’s really a bargain, right? 4 presents for me – still 2 for people on the list

Ok, on to the kids section which just happens to be right beside the bedding section, which just happens to be beside the rest of the home section. Don’t look, just keep walking. Oh no, there’s the bedding that I want, it will look perfect in the new bedroom. It’s on sale! Keep walking, you are here to buy gifts for others. Keep walking. Into the baby section I go. So many kids to buy for, babies never know what you got them and it’s always so fun to put an outfit together – no matter what size. Let’s get the boy overwith, such a cute little pair of paints, and look there’s a sweater that will look perfect, but a shirt is needed to finish the outfit. Ok he’s done.

Now for the fun, the girls outfits. I pick a corner of the department and just start piling clothes that will make three outfits. So cute, little cardigans, tiny khaki pants, adorable jeans with little butterflies. An hour later, I have three complete outfits, but what if they don’t like them? Should I get two for each and let the mother’s choose? No, I have faith in my taste, they will look adorable. Finally the tables have turned 4 presents for me – 6 for people on the list.

On to JCrew. I need gift cards for two of the older girls. I will go straight to the register, buy the gift cards and be on my way. No stopping to check out the fabulous riding boots that I really want, no looking in the men’s section – although, I should really replace the sweaters that I returned for Mike. Ok, one peak in the men’s section. Only problem – I have to walk through the women’s section to get to the men’s. I brush against a table of the softest sweaters I have ever felt in my life. I don’t have this one, in this color. Ok just one for me. I made it through the women’s section. Now for Mike, here’s a sweater that he will like and it looks like it will fit him – must get. Feeling the pull of the back wall, full of shoes, I make my way to the register. 5 presents for me – 1 for Mike and 8 for people on the list.

I’m starting to think it’s time to leave the mall. But just across the bridge is a sign, Christmas Sale – Banana Republic. Must. Walk. Away. Must. Get. Out. Of. Mall.

I put the blinders on and make my way back through the mall, back into Macy’s and out to the parking lot. But where’s the car? I could have sworn I parked by the perfume entrance with the Snoopy’s by the door. I go back inside, there are three doors with perfume counters and Snoopys by the door!! What does Snoopy have to do with Macy’s anyway? I make my way to the “East Entrance”. Who brings a compass to the mall? Unless the sun is rising I can’t tell which way is East.

These bags are getting really heavy, my feet are starting to hurt and I am so thirsty? What is it about the mall that always makes me so thirsty? And if I know that I always get thirsty in the mall why don’t I stop to buy a drink on my way through? Ok, don’t panic, the car is somewhere in the lot, maybe I can find a security person in a golf cart to drive me around right? It’s what those carts are for, right? I could call Mike and have him come get me, it’s really not that far. But then I would get that “oh honey, what have you done now” look and I would never really live it down.

I am wandering through the parking lot in three inch heels, which seemed like such a great idea because I was really just going out to return sweaters and maybe pick up a couple of gifts and they really finished the outfit off nicely. Oh the pain.

I wonder what this red panic button on my car alarm thingy is? Maybe it will call the police and they will be able to find me, maybe it’s some sort of lo-jack thing. I hit the button and the car two spaces down from me starts wailing. I found it!!!

Now to get all of these presents for me into my closet without Mike noticing.